black hole days
Work is the star that collapsed right in the middle of my life, creating
a black hole that has ripped and destroyed me. It is not as though this
is a surprise to me, I knew signing up with a start-up would be hard.
And it is. In the last month I've barely been able to exercise, do laundry,
or even open my mail. Friends have noticed my absence, but seem to be
understanding. For once in my life I'm glad that I'm single, for I can't imagine
how I could do this to another person.
The powers that be at arbor are wise and saw the collective fuse getting short
While many people were becoming ill and stress-out they continued to force themselves
to work. The work ethic here is amazing. But Mike told us at our dev meeting
Friday to take the weekend off. We were ordered not to work. It took a moment
for the concept to sink in--for a moment I thought, "Well, I could just work from
home, or come in later." But it didn't take long for me really like the idea.
So now I'm on the tail-end of this forced but needed vacation. I've just returned
from cleaning nearly all of the clothes I own and have stopped by the
office to upload and print off some tax documents.
I don't have the time or energy right now to annotate my photos, but I'll feel better
getting them up. I'm about to fall back beyond the event horizon soon. Work
starts up full force tomorrow morning, and I suspect will be just as bad as it has been,
and for another month. My life generally involves working when I'm not eating or sleeping,
though sometimes I work while I eat. Over the last month I've been measuring the time
I'm away from work, rather than the time I've work. It's a good thing if I manage
to stay away for more than 8 hours. That means there is a chance I got enough sleep, but
probably not. Here's hoping for me.
Couple things of import did have happened.
Marilyn, Matt Smart's aunt died unexpected in March. She was an amazing woman
in so many ways as I found out meeting some of the many different people she
touched in her life. Marilyn was more like a second mother for Matt than an
Aunt and she was amazingly caring to me as well. She treated all the boys like
family. While what I've felt can not compare to the pain Matt and his family
has endured, I'm overwhelmingly saddened by her passing and grateful to have known
and shared in the bubble of human goodness that she created
I had a strange trip to Columbus. I couldn't afford the time off to help my father
move his father to South Carolina, but I did go down to help for an afternoon.
While in Columbus I visited the apartment complex in which I lived from ages 8 to 11.
It was the last place I was happy to live until college. Moving from this place broke
me in a small way: I mostly gave up on making friends. I was tired of losing them, and
so sad after leaving those particular friends in Columbus. I found the apartment complex
to have been convert to mostly student housing-- it had been more poor student families
when we lived there. University Arms was the only place that my parents could afford that
would allow a family with 3 children. It sounds disgusting to me, and I think such
discrimination is illegal now. Unfortunately, all of the fields and playgrounds
were paved over to make room for more cars. No longer present are the hundreds of kroger
shopping carts that were the building blocks of my imagination. There was new paint every
where, but it was still basically the same old dingy place.
April 5th - 8th I went on a pre-planned trip to meet my sister in Milwaukee. This year's
Winter Guard International Championships were in Milwaukee
and it happened to be almost exactly between Jen and me. She greyhounded, and I drove. We
stayed at a reasonable hotel about 10 blocks away and spent the weekend relaxing and
enjoying winter guard shows. We had not been to a championships since we participated in them
back in high school. It was very nice to have good seats for all the performances, and
to not have to worry about getting up and losing them. $. yay $. I was extremely happy to get
away from work for 4 days, but when I got back all I could think about was punching a hole
in someone or something. Stress-filled events related to changes in my work which
occured during my abscence were resolved to the abilities of all involved,
but it pretty much wiped away the therapeutic benefits of my trip.