Goddamn it Google. I ask for "goth porn" and you give me a Best Buy button from rollingstone.com. Eat shit.

What are you laughing about? -- Your little rape talk got me thinking about Grape Ape.

You broke her open like a Thanksgiving turkey. -- You split her open like a Taun-Taun.

Your reflex save bites dick.

I was gonna make one of the palladins black. His name would have been Tyrone Kwanza.

Quit trying to gyp me out of my cloak you fucking hook-nosed shylock.

Are you looking for a Final Solution to the continuing Kobold Problem? You've come to the right place!

See - my character is 3 foot 5 inches tall. There must be some elf women that are 4 foot 5 inches. In real life, I'm 5 foot 4, and I'd totally do a girl that was 6 foot 4. Get it now?

I wanted it, so I took it. Some call it rape, but I call it opportunity.

Boop. I'll be conducting the remainder of this session as Captain Christopher Pike.

What was the name of Grace Jones' character in A View to a Kill? Something like Goodpussy Holliday? -- Her name was Mayday. -- Well, I knew it had a 'day' in there somewhere. -- You're a fucking sicko.

Where's all the coke and white bitches?

In the plushies versus furries argument, I think I'm for the plushies because I don't want those furries fucking. At least the plushies aren't spreading their genes. -- Well, they're spreading them all over their poor stuffed animals.

Why is he so stingy with the Heroe's Feast? It's not like it's his food.

Those guys are criminally retarded.

For an inhuman, he's pretty Japanese looking.

What's wrong? -- My butt threw up.

Well, I'm sure whatever we find we'll wind up killing it.

A quarter-elf is not the same as a quarter-tard.

Jesus, flying bondage chicken.

Re-roll! That's bullshit!

It's smelling a bit man-ish down here.

Next time search for fucking traps. Aren't we adventurers? I thought we were, but apparently we're just a bunch of jackasses.

If I ever find an evil gnome I'm gonna break my dick off in his ass.

They're half male, half female. They each have 1 nut and 1 tit. And half a cock, bent around and stuffed into their half cunts.

We need some kind of general. I'm gonna be too busy looting to effectively lead.

Dude, you were totally right. I'm never gonna say you're the stupidest person I know again.

Nice pendant. -- Nice dick, faggot.

Fuck you. Fuck you a lot.

That place is gonna be full of 18 and 19 year olds, and I'm gonna harpoon them all.

Once I do enough research to learn the spell priapism then you'll get yours.

What is wrong with your smoke alarm? -- It just needs new batteries. I've got some too, I just haven't put them in yet. -- You people fucking suck.

Dude, smell this. -- No. Fuck you.

I'm a fucking wizard, dude.

His medicine's really helping. -- What's he taking? -- AZT.

What? All this talk of savage penises doesn't agree with you?

I'll understand if you don't want your wife to give me a blow job. If you don't want her to do it, you'll have to do it yourself. Or your 8 year old daughter will also be acceptable.

He's got a whole shelf-full of ham-snatch at his disposal.

Look, we're running out of time here. Get your ass into the shitpile now.

She has to cover her female smell. She smells like cunt.

Orcs probably have pretty tough digestive systems considering how filthy they are. Like Mexicans or something.

I'm feeling a bit of trepidation regarding this here trephination.

Do the Cro-Mags have any women or are they all gay and have butt-babies ?

No more hitting that future pussy. I can't believe he has to go back to fucking that regular shit.

If Mothra is so big, why are its helpers even smaller than humans?

Wait - are they saying that the civilized people came from Africa and the Middle East? Because I've got a couple of problems with that. I mean, look at those fucking regions today and tell me they're civilized.

It'd be so disgusting being a woman I'd probably just vomit.

I'm more interested in learning new spells than in saving you guys a few gold pieces. So you guys can eat nuts.

He said he can't drink anymore because his pussy is rotten and sore.

The servants of the enemy take many forms. Even flightless pigs.

PS - Jar Jar Binks died on the way back to his home planet.

I am a beautiful butterfly.

That's a tasty fucking fish.

He's gotta see me. Somebody's gotta be impressed by my stupid antics.

I'm king of the sewer! Nice to meet you! Oh no, I lost my shit crown!

We took that town and we fucking reared it. Get ready to bleed out the asshole because we're gonna fucking cornhole this place.

They've been cramming stuff into that hole for months. -- Is that what they did to you too, little guy? -- A single tear rolls down his cheek in response.

It was sort of like a pork rocket. -- Damn the pork torpedos!

Orcs are like Muslims: pure, unadulterated evil.

We're all about the psy-ops. That should be the name of our adventuring party: Team Mindfuck.

Every question you ask is accusatory. The tone that comes out of your mouth is like, "What are you, fucking stupid?"

I think if a woman is gonna be in a movie she should get naked by the end of it. Especially if it's some fucking European movie.

That girl was so beautiful. -- I thought she was pretty weird looking, but you like all that shit don't you?

You're not party leader. We barely even fucking tolerate you.

Sounds like Africa. -- Smells like Africa too.

What kind of tits? The kind that look like an old pair of shoes? You know, like the kind they had in the 1950s?

Fuck you. Don't even lecture me about farting. You come home from the bar and just shit and shit all over the couch.

We could never satisfy that cavernous snatch naturally. But maybe we could fist her.

I attempt a stunning attack on her cervix.

Smells like diarrhea. -- What does? The general ambience?

You're fucking kidding me! The retard bowling community recreation class is really called Strike-Force?

Why'd you move? You should have stayed where you were. Now you have to hang out with the crack dealers, the crazy people, and the Vietnamese.

Man, I wouldn't trust that shit at all. You've gotta punch that shit right in the pussy.

I just took a Dook of Hazzard in there.

'Let my people go . . . ' What's the VBS stand for? -- Violent Butt Sex. -- Not Vacation Bible School? -- Nope. Violent Butt Sex.

Vegetarians have the worst farts. That's because they eat all those exotic foods, like breads and fruits.

My clitoris is a bit bigger than the average lesbian's.

You're right. Skin boat is much nastier than meat boat.

I just saved your life. Say thanks. -- Eat shit.

The two things the Japanese ambassador said after the attack on Pearl Harbor were supplies! and forgibbeness prease!

There's no I in "can't." There's no we in "can't." And I'd like to point out there's no you in "can't." -- But there is a u in "cunt."

Somebody needs to put some air fresheners up in Tuna Town. It fucking reeks in here.

Something smells like shit over here. Oh jesus, I can fucking taste it.

You got lured in like a 9 year old girl.

He's hung like a stuck pig.

I suppose we could always get jobs as foremen in Africa hitting black people with whips.

Don't give them that much money! They're just gonna spend it on fried chicken and watermelon and solid gold crack pipes.

Who the hell is that? -- It's Senor Mysterioso!

Come on. She's a woman, she can't be stable.

Hey! Fucko! Are you paying attention to that rule book or are you listening to this shit right here?

Weddings in Japan cost like 80 grand. - That's because every single person in the country shows up, plus you have to rent all that anti-Godzilla equipment.

Since I'm passed out this would make a perfect opportunity for her to take me upstairs, polymorph into a Gnome, and rape me.

You have a low charisma but you also have a deep pocket. That can compensate for your grim exterior.

I'm gonna find the hottest Halfling chick I know and hit that shit up.

It's badass! It doesn't just taste good. It cranks you up all day. - Cast Hero's Feast! I wanna eat that shit!

Did your kids come out of your ass or your vagina ?

Please! No more pissing in your pants.

In all likelihood your dong is 2 inches long.

Don't make me resume my halfling prisoner disguise...

I don't trust people so much anymore. From now on my justice will be more infinite.

From now on I'll remember to temper my curiosity with more violence.

They're that mysterious brown color that I always equate with fecal matter.

I'm thinking of buying a flying carpet. That would be fucking sweet. What a wonderous item.

He's totally fucking your mortalized dog in that snow tunnel.

'Greasy darkness'? That sounds terrible. Can I use my magic silk rope on it?

I got so fucking Jewed last time because of you. I don't want to hear any more of your crazy fucking yarmulka talk this week.

My pants have no mind.

There's a sense of impending doom every time you're in the bathroom.

Those two feces-filled kernals are still floating around in there.

I hope it's a wand of anal penetration.

I could never play a gay character. That would be worse than playing a female character.

Your web page should be myfuckingwoundthatdoesntheal.com

One day I'll get so stupid I won't be able to drink anymore.

I watched that shitty Dungeons and Dragons movie. -- Did you see it on DVD? Because I heard there's a deleted scene where Thora Birch takes it in the ass.

What the fuck does that mean? "I enjoy it for what it's worth." I mean, I enjoy a punch in the balls for what it's worth.

I haven't seen pussy in so long I'd probably throw stones at it.

Saying we hate Jews is like talking about the holocaust: a dirty lie.

You get more flies with honey, fuckface.

Your disguise is a walking steak with a monocle. Your name is Dr. Delmonaco. "Zounds!"

This is not a perfect world, and this is not a perfect plan. But I think that's part of it's charm.

Look, I do want to tea-bag you, but just so I can say I did it. And so I can tell my friends at gaming tomorrow. So they can laugh at you whenever they see you from now on.

All we have to do is widen this mouth-hole a bit more, then we're in business.

That shit I just took looked like somebody dooked in the toilet then mixed in some dirt.

I'm gonna kill your horses next time. -- Make sure you fuck them first you fucking pervert.

If I'm gonna fuck a girl for $1000 she better be able to fly, or be made out of gold, or have laser eyes or something.

Jesus! What did I do - stick my dick in his wife or something ?

You made it! Just in time for genocide! - What? Again?

If a girl says she had an immaculate conception that means she's a lying slut who doesn't know which of the last 80 dicks she fucked knocked her up.

It's not unheard of to gag your sex partners to keep them from speaking and spoiling the mood.

It's like this real shitty pain up under your nuts.

I'm not going to say anything derogatory about his penis, but those saggy fucking balls were completely disgusting.

He's all about the random acts of selfless heroism. That and stabbing.

There were prodigious amounts of semen coming out of that thing.

Fucking bitch-ass punk shit magic spells.

This isn't stupid - this is smart.

I thought you were on a mission of peace ? - We're actually on a mission of Infinite Justice.

This is the best plan we've ever come up with. This is legit. This is totally gonna work.

Today is a day for heroes.

I cast Auschwitz.

This mission is officially called Operation Final Solution.

Look, we may never really know if the Holocaust actually happened, but at least it makes a good metaphor.

What do you want on your pizza? - I like bull semen, baleen, and capers.

Bros before hos. - Gs up, hos down.

I'm about to give birth. Poop.

It goes: beef curtains, meat envelope, cum dumpster.

You have great potential for genocide but you keep holding yourself back. - Right now I'm more concerned with having to walk all the way back to camp.

Why is he crying? - He's not crying. He's wearing a monocle.

I've got a dirty nitrate buzz from all those hotdogs.

You want to ride the boat to Stabsville ?

I'm wearing a cape and a condom. - You have hypothermia, but you're ready for action.

I'm gonna hit Kate Winslett in the head real hard and make her a quarter-tard. Then I'm gonna have my way with her.

You can grip my shit.

I told them we were on a secret mission, and he said 'I never heard of any secret mission', so I said 'what the FUCK did I just say ASSHOLE? Do you even know what the word secret means?' Goddamn dirt races.

Fuck. I just can't stop jerkin' !

This caravan is going to end in a bloody pulp.

I make the comment that hobgoblins are a very musical people, but they don't have the same sort of respect for life that we do.

Meanwhile, I'm openly masturbating.

Lube and patience, my man. Lube and patience.

And he's got a dick big enough to use on your mother, which is pretty big because most other dicks are like a hotdog in a hallway with her. I'm speaking of course of your game mother, not your real mother, because it's not cool to make fun of people's mothers in real life.

My disguise is a human-sized gym sock full of semen with a face on it.

Look! I'm Mexican! I'm Chinese! I'm Norwegian! I'm all the colors of the rainbow.

It's like when you hit a retarded kid with a stick.

I give him a dildo, a salt-shaker, and a wet rag and tell him to get going.

She had a Masterwork ass. It might have even been +1.

Being neck-deep in pussy is not as sexy as it sounds.

You don't fuck their names. Unless you write it down on a piece of paper, roll it up, and stick your cock in it.

I used to live with a serial rapist. I'd pour a bowl of Grape Nuts and they'd be all sticky.

You don't know what I'm saying to myself inside my head. But it's fucking awful.

Smells like somebody's cooking rice.

Might as well do something just lying there on the ground all frozen and burnt. Fucking freeloader.

I'm not into 'furry sex' or anything, but you better believe I'll be doing some serious fucking in that suit.

Jesus saves! . . . And takes half damage.

Way to harangue the DM.

After you go home I'm gonna come back down here and jizz all over you book.

That guy's gayer than a French horn.

She's put on weight? That's too bad. I hate to see a good woman go to pot.

It's only a mile to town. What, did you turn into a pussy after running away from the giants? Here -- let me carry your stinking vagina back into town for you.

Just admit it -- your cloaca's aching for a huge slab of dragon meat.

"My knowledge of women is extremely limited, and my opinion of them is quite low."

"So, basically, we're paying her to have sex with him?" -- "Operation Dragon Whore Part 1!"

I throw her an oil of slipperiness and wink.

Will you join us in our adventures? We usually fight evil, but then sometimes we go and commit horrible acts of genocide.

Ah bloody christ! I'm not gonna fuck anybody named Shaniqua!

For all we know he's in some magical sex paradise right now.

Would you please do something about this 'old man fetish' before you ruin the fucking game?

Quit racebaiting the elves!

"I'm kind of interested in what I am too." -- "It's obvious. You're a sex slave."

Is an elven feast anything like a hot lunch?

Half man, half shark, half aligator.

You're just like C3P0, except you're not gay.

I'm not doing a damn thing until I've looked at my spells, so y'all can just chill.

Sadly, this was one of your better ideas.

If there's scales on the field, play ball!

My prostrate is blazing. I should get fucking racing stripes painted on that thing.

My new knife is called The Labiator. It carves new folds and lips in your skin.

Here's a map of my reproductive system. Wait, is this actual size?

Yeah, someone like you would probably like something like that.

I remember thinking, "If I had known she had a boyfriend, i wouldn't have even bothered talking to this girl."

That's how i like my girls: all unapproachable and bitchy.

Where's the bathroom? We need to wreck that shit.

This guy's wife was so ugly and fat I was having trouble eating. I need to talk to that guy about how he fucks her.

Eat shit. I'm riding this mule.

You're gonna get resurrected and I'm gonna be humping your mom right there next to you.

I narrowly avoided getting a big cleric penis in my mouth.

Why do you have a chicken in your ear ? -- These things just happen.

We're planning a holocaust in your honor.

One of my new spells is 'rainbow pattern'. -- That's great. Did you also get 'pink triangle' ? How about 'silence equals death' ?

You're opening me up to new ways of thinking I haven't considered before. -- And rough sex.

That's phat with a 'ph', not fat like 'corpulent.' Not fat like 'morbidly obese.' I mean, really.

Last time I tried to fit my head in a vagina I didn't even come close.

I'm having a hard time dooking off this fucking cliff face.

I cast mangina.

As far as you know you're in gnome hell getting sodomized by fish-hooks.

I took one for the fucking team. I'd like that to be noted in the future.

It's so much more traumatic when I get hurt, because I never get hurt.

Why is it that D&D always seems to involve stink?

Goddamn it. If I can't shit in the bathroom, where the fuck can I shit?

It sounds like I'm gonna be calling bullshit in a minute.

I'm so sick of always being hurt and on fire.

Let this serve as a lesson to you. -- The lesson is level up, come back, jihad.

It's a simulacrum. -- What's that, some kind of baby food? -- No, a simulacrum is a container for used condoms. -- Our definitions for simulacrum are widely variable tonight.

You're a murderous little bastard of a halfling, that's what you are.

I agree wholeheartedly with your use of the word hysterectomy.

Why am I shitting all over your face here? And what are you possibly going to do to prevent me from doing it again and again?

Go get me some breakfast. Seriously, you're a dick. Get me breakfast.

You should have told her you're her husband from the future and that you've come back to save her. Girls love that shit.

Poop is always funny.

I'd totally fuck a computer program if given the chance. - What would you rather fuck: a first-person shooter, SimCity, Tetris, or what?

See, if you would just focus your character wouldn't suck so bad.

Suck my gamecock.

So, you're somehow jerking his bowels off?

I'm sorry, I don't speak dick.

Cheaters never win, except when they kill people.

We need to capture this thing and sell it to a brothel.

This is like the time I painted my dick to look like a lollipop and went to the playground.

If I don't get some pelt soon my dick's gonna fall off.

Being dead is thirsty work.

Hey guys, I think I hear something. - Can you hear me shitting in your mouth?

More than one leg? Preposterous!

I'm gonna make a sci-fi scat porn movie called Flush Gordon.

Shit. Here comes the swallowing part.

I'm all about wooing the hearts and minds. That's how you get those Franco-German girls.

I always knew you were sick, but you're fucking sick.

The Wonder Bra is awesome. It takes all that wasted tit over by your arm and shoves it into the middle.

Can I take bukkake as a feat?

I kick her in the vajayjay.

Imagine how awesome it would be to bukkake a member of a matriarchal society.

Party rule - from now on we're killing everything we encounter that's either evil or black.

I have a reason to kill just about everything.

I'm casting searing light. - I just cast searing ass.

He's a magical pixie when it comes to farting.

Expertise is for pussies and smart fighters.

You fuck with the bull you get the horns, asshole.

You know what happens when a monkey gets hit by lightning? It gets set on fucking fire.

Dude, your ass is fucking foul to epic proportions. I don't know what you eat, but I want to get my hands on it so I can combat you.

Whatever we're fighting next, I'm pretty sure you guys got it.

What happens if you get hit by the gaze? -- You get confused. -- That's pretty realistic because gays are always trying to confuse you in real life. I guess that makes it easier for them to sodomize you or something.

I'm not farting. At least, if I am farting I don't feel them coming out.

I totally shit myself on my bike this morning. It fucking sucked. I completely filled my pants.

I think everyone here needs to stick an Altoid in their shoes and ass to get rid of this fucking shit smell.

I was so happy when I woke up today not hung over. So fucking happy.

You're filthy beyond words.

Please, put your face real close to my sloppy asshole.

Promise me you'll never say "loose meat" again.

My ass has been silent for hours. It's extinct.

Zac doesn't know how to discipline us, that's the problem. It sickens me the way he lets us run roughshod all over him.

They're not real people anyway. They're just shit with arms and legs.

Hey! It's another fun genocide mission!

I think you've got the gay cancer.

The poop's playing mindgames with you.

"All the pregnant ones have to sumbit to belly-punching before we let them leave." -- "Either that or I break out my +1 coathanger."

If you make a successful spot check you can notice that he has a woody.

The 'D' stands for dysentary!

Try not to slip in the pussy juice as you're fleeing.

"The Dark Warm Place" sounds like it should be a brothel.

"Do I look like a doctor?" -- "Clearly not. Look at your fat rough hands."

Could you get a prolapsed priapism? Because if you could you'd have the world's first trunked cock.

I cast speak with dick.

With all the times you've said my spells were useless in the past, I'd just like to take this opportunity to point out that this is some pretty fucking useless shit right here.

I cast so many spells my spell hand hurts. -- Masturbation is not a spell. -- Yeah, but it is magical. -- I'm a mage, I can summon semen! -- The material components for that spell are porn and Vaseline.

It's a clan of alcoholics and ferocious pederasts from the surface world.

When you live that long and look that young you can molest thousands of children.

In my book, anything with wings and a tail should be killed, not listened to.

Life's a mystery, then somebody stabs you and takes your trinkets.

No one says "pappy" in front of me and lives.

I cast Bigby's Lacerated Genitals on you.

The expensive bottle of wine gives you a +5 to your charisma roll. -- +5? Jesus. These girls are sluts.

Goddamn it, what's that smell? -- Somebody opened up my ass.

Thanks for trusting us. Some people say that those who trust others are dupes just waiting to be fooled. I think that's wrong.

My plan is to leave some of my genes here in the Underdark. -- Well you're not rolling for sex. Fuck you.

You scored with a girl named Cherry Dillbag?

You know the best thing? The best thing is that from here to here was filled with rancid feces.

Goddamn it. Who beat the fuck out of me?

You have two choices -- you can either have tofu or a sub with nothing in it. That's all you can fucking eat.

Is there 'children of the night' in Aquaman terms?

You're not allowed to say that someone black killed anybody -- that's racist. I learned that from the OJ trial.

Zombies are funny because they remind me of retarded people.

Fuck. Not only did I not want a lap dance from you, you also spilled my liquor. You fucking whore.

I've got 'powerful sodomy' for one of my feats. - Yeah, well I've got 'dire sodomy.'

Will you please flush the damn toilet when you're done?

Ow. I pulled a muscle in my leg when I looked at you. That's not good.

You and Lewis have to fight to the death. Sorry, that's just our way.

I worship the very tip of the Pope's cock.

It's the horrible browbeating that I mind.

I'd like to point out that you just said 'sack.'

A real man would rip it's throat out and watch it jiggle while it dies.

I puked so bad I had poop coming out of my mouth.

Whenever a woman acts the least bit upset, tell her she'll feel better when she get's off the fucking rag. They love to hear stuff like that.

We're gonna get a time machine and go back to hit on your mom.

My penis is ablaze.

He just fucked your mouth while punching you.

If I'm going to be going through all the risk of knocking them out and maybe getting arrested, you can bet I'd be doing some molesting.

There's gonna be some filthy cornholing going on.

You're in the moist folds of your own ass.

I put on my Japanese schoolgirl uniform and get raped by the tentacles.

I'm calling bullshit on Lewis taking that rope.

Quit saying 'quaff'. Just because we're playing D and D doesn't mean we're having a Renaissance Festival.

Get your hands out of your pants and fucking game.

I got your back. I got all your backs. -- "All your backs are belong to us."

You're tied to the underbelly of the horse, and every time it takes a step it fucks you.

We can't just walk into the first moist hole we find.

I check the cavern wall to make sure it's not secreting any tuna smell. -- Did you say 'tuna smell' ? -- I'm afraid so.

I've shot a lot of crotches in my day.

Heh. These are my piss pants.

You're the DM - you're gonna have to tell him to stop looking at our penises.

I can smell him because he's old.

My specialties are fire and illusion. -- More like suck and ass.

Negative hit points result in priapism for all halflings.

Having a clue is priceless. You can't put a price on that.

It has to be human because it's covered in cum. Nobody would ever do that to a meat statue.

You could make enough money to buy a gold-plated hooker, and a robotic dick to fuck her with, but you still wouldn't feel any better.

You never know what's coming out of a cloaca. Could be poop - could be an egg. It's always a surprise with a cloaca.

Are you talking about molesting hawks again? -- No, now I'm talking about molesting alligators.

I shat myself leaving the bar the other day. That fucking sucked. I don't know how that happened.

Your character stinks of dick.

That guy sucks -- not only is he incompetent, he's also incontinent.

It's an illusion that you can also feel, so if you guys each give me 100 gold I'll make you the perfect girl.

Not only did I not want to hear about it, it was also coming out of some fucking bitch chick's mouth.

"Joke for funny no-meat roundeye! ha ha!"

I need to think of a suitably gay name for this hawk.

Hey Lewis, this is that shithole town where you dropped out of that nasty thing you call a mother.

Get that veil out of the way! I can't get my cock in your mouth.

I totally tolerate other cultures. I didn't make fun of those chicks with shit on their heads in college. I think I even hit on some of them.

Who shit on my tomb?

Now my nuts are all sticky. They just rolled under my ass and I sat on them.

I cast wave of diarrhea.

I'm going to induce priapism in you just so I can shunt you too.

Don't be getting all fisty on me now.

"Does anybody search the body?" -- "Yeah, with my dick."

"I love The Sound of Music. My sister was named after it." -- "Your sister's name is The Sound of Music?" -- "Yes, exactly."

"Did you ever notice the poop splatter on your ceiling?" -- "It's not poop." -- "How do you know?" -- "Taste it."

I know that guy. I went to highschool with him. He used to suck my dick. Right there in class.

There are so many thing we could be having sex with in this D&D game.

I'm gonna cast a glyph of warding on your zipper, so next time you go to take a piss it'll blow your dick off.

Anything that looks even vaguely organic gets stabbed from now on.

"Balsphemer!" -- "Did you just say ass femur?" -- "Yeah, you fell down and broke your ass femur."

I think your colossal clitoris was weighing you down. Then it hit the ground and you stepped on it and fell down and got nauseous.

"You can kiss your dick goodbye." -- "I wish."

I totally let those pants burn for a while and was thinking "this is awesome." But then I started thinking, "just how drunk am I?"

I think Derange-o took control of my body for a while.

There's also this unidentifiable non-cigarette smell that I attribute to the smell of sluts.

I didn't want to leave her in the closet too long because I was afraid he'd think she was a cake and fuck her.

"Fuck you, humanity. Fucking burn in hell."

No way. Nobody would ever just lick bird ass until it shit in their mouth.

You gotta thank the atom bomb for tentacle sex.

Mind flayers are fucking scary. But so are vaginas with teeth.

There's gonna be a fiery conflagration within your scrotum.

Beer shits usually don't burn, they just leap out of your ass all over the place.

You got fucking loose in the bathroom.

Nope, you have to stroke your penis if you're going to talk out of character.

There was something like a soggy Frosted Flake floating in the toilet. I think you must have sloughed off some anal lining there.

My dick can cast better spells than you.

"Isn't there some movie where aliens shoot darts out of their mouths?" -- "Probably. That sounds like something aliens would do."

I cast dire masturbation.

I'm looking for things that are alive to kill.

Right now you're as strong as a small monster centipede, but not as strong as the vagina it crawled out of.

"She wasn't exactly 'popular' and we used to call her Dicknose." -- "I bet her girlfriends love that nose now." -- "poke poke"

"It can do 4 points of permanent strength draining with its corrupting gaze." -- "When I was younger I met a couple of corrupting gays."

"Do you have any money?" -- "I might. I don't know. I might have spent it all on drinks last night. Actually, it wasn't me spending that money - it was Derange-o."

It doesn't actually smell in there anymore, but there's still a sense of horror.

They should have stopped inventing stuff after meat, ale, and bagpipes.

Did you just call my character 'Fucko' ?

I say 'do you want to live forever' then i sit down and patiently wait for you to kill yourself.

Why didn't you tell us not to open this suicide hole?

We tried to stop him but he was driven insane with greed by his merciful religion.

"He wouldn't let him in the country. He said he was an abomination. Neither man nor woman, neither black nor white." -- "Who said that?" -- "The leader of Africa."

No more scat Olympics over there.

You've totally got to fuck me now.

This gun gives you a priapism, and this one gives you a prolapsed rectum. Pick one.

The female half-elf is obviously a dyke, and the male half-elf is totally a fag.

Silk shirts make me want to punch people.

I'll be standing there, stabbing you so bad you get a prolapsed rectum, and you won't even know it.

Don't point that priapism at me.

The level of stupidity has entered the red zone here.

These guys are richer than astronauts!

He looks like he's constantly flexing, but he's not. And if he did flex, you don't know what would happen.

Greetings, heathen blasphemers!

No ghosts in here, shithead.

Look, a fecal Jesus. It's a miracle.

Gold! And whores! And whores made out of gold!

Well, that last healing potion I gave you was full of my ball-sweat.

Fuck me. With a stick. And a funnel.

Lewis just bet me 100 gold pieces that you couldn't throw an axe through him at 30 paces.

That suppository they used to bring you back to life must have been painful and embarrasing.

I'd have a much better life if all girls were sluts.

Why do I like it when girls kiss eachother? Why do I even ask these questions? I don't know. It's stupid. I think too much. Except when it's important, then I don't think at all.

Christopher Pike's looking awesome in his new pink power armor. It's even got a tail.

Dude, why are you chewing on my cock-ring?

I like that porn you got. Meatsweater. That's fucking dodgy.

Your honor, this woman was clearly born to suck cock. Just like your wife, mother, and/or daughter.

I'm getting some air freshener. This shit is fucking horrible. What happened, were you raped by rotting meat or something?

I'm gonna buttfuck your corpse, motherfucker!

You guys are the worst. You get stabbed for half your Hit Points then start crying for healing like big fat pussies.

Fetch me my rapestick, woman!

It was good when you dropped that fire on me -- that really helped the war effort.

Never suck on anything you find at Mardi Gras.

Guys, I think I've got fecal alcohol syndrome.

I can make potions of Cure Moderate Wounds, Bull Strength, and AIDS.

They follow a pretty good story, aside from the tentacle rapes.

We fucked the Japanese up.

"Cloaca." Yeah, I hear it. Thanks for the word, man.

Don't give it AIDS! That's mean.

What is it? It's fucking Voltron. Holy shit.

Quit sucking the soul out of my dice.

I like those battery-powered lollipops that spin. Who wants to waste precious calories sucking it manually?

I appreciate the finer things in life. Like punching.

Check this out, motherfucker. I'm gonna cast some of this shit right here.

It's so easy to get laid at a funeral.

You try making up a good song when you're an illiterate drunkard.

I understand the need to put nudity in all these gaming magazines, but fuck, a lobster?

No blowjobs for millipedes beyond this point.

Hold on, let me go get my beat-wipe.

I mean, I'm sure I desecrated your dice fully, but I didn't break them.

I'm drunk on valor and high on stupid.

At least he's killing you softly and gently.

Dude, whores don't take quarters.

It looks like a Snicker's bar, except it's horribly gross.

Way to heal there, wandy.

Keeping your dice in a ziplock bag is so ghetto.

Please, no more hellacious tales of crippled vengeance! By that I mean "continue."

I'd never eat stuff out of my bathwater -- that's been touching my ass!

What? I'm blind -- I can't lie.

Don't make me map. I can't map. Seriously, I suck at it. I can't count.

I'd screw her. As long as I didn't have to pay for dinner.

When you're in battle, by all means, cover nothing but your genitals.

OK, if I'm right you have to eat your own shit. If I'm wrong, nothing happens. Deal?

It's dark in there. You can't see shit. Fuck you.

"Shoot? I can't shoot. Do I even have a shot?" -- "Well, apparently your vagina's in the way." -- "It's also stinky and infected."

If you were here he wouldn't have died. Instead you had to go fight a box nextdoor - and almost get killed by it like some sort of shithead. Happy?

I flew business class both ways. It was awesome. I'd be like, "stewardess, suck my dick" and she'd do it.

I think any American citizen could probably take out 3 British cops.

"Virgina?" What's that, a boat race?

That's what I'm saying -- pink + flowery = vagina. Here, have a big bowl of vagina.

Screw you, fuck for face.

Did I tell you to get into combat and then fucking suck? Is that what I told you?

My shitlist is starting to get long.

He better have some sort of "ring of no more stabbing my liver" or something.

Mine don't smell though. I've been shitting myself all night. I've been sitting in my own feces for 4 hours.

Why don't you go somewhere for vacation instead of sitting around Ann Arbor eating poo.

I'm gonna bust in there with a shotgun, but it will be full of rocksalt so I won't get too arrested.

You're getting your ass kicked by a fucking carpet.

"Your brother called. He said you're half black and the other half has AIDS."

Don't try to fuck me out of my 'detect magic.'

I jizz myself.

One day your pants are gonna just be full of shit.

I've seen some shithole dice before -- and that's one of them.

You seem to be obsessed with your own penis.

I'll gouge his eye out. I'll chew his ear off.

Bleeding doesn't mean tired.

Whippin' out the knife. Gettin' ready to stab.

I'd fuck bitches for like a week, then I'd be like, "Goddamn it," and just start eviscerating them and carrying out terrible fantasies.

That sounded more like disappointment than death.

Way to fucking roll, dude.

(about fat space people) Chicks would dig it because at least you'd be in space. The space part would negate the fat part.

Dude, our loot is so phat.

You see this wound? You came out of this wound. You came out of a space vagina.

One or the other - cut off the head or set it on fire. I don't care which.

I'm gonna get a tattoo of a flaming d20 with a 1 coming up and underneath it it's gonna say "born to lose."

I'm gonna get a tattoo of a flaming d20 with a 20 coming up and underneath it it's gonna say "critical."

It's like, I'm level 16, fuck you guys. Your face is smeared all over my fist.

Goddamn it! I never kill anything.

The meat wall was fucking shitty. I had some serious worry up in that place.

The flat of my greatsword has an appointment with your face.

I'm probably pretty pissed at you too, you know. You should watch your fucking back.

I can tell Fucking Asshole is looking at me. I'm getting ready to stab him.

Look at me. I am a giant bloody vagina.

I'm like, "Fuck you Lewis." I spit on him. "I fucking hate you."

OK, it's magic "fuck your mom" nice. And that's pretty nice.

Wait, funny how? Funny "ha ha" or funny "fuck you"?

If I knew your character was going to be like this I'd have brought along some vagina aspirin for him.

I'm gonna remember this you fuck. A halfling never forgets.

Why don't you do another 14 points of subdual damage to me?

I saw how you brandished that knife at him. You brandished the fuck out of that knife.

Did you remember to account for the weight of your giant vagina when you calculated your encumbrance?

"Yay! I'm at level 3." -- "About time you slack motherfucker."

He created some orc Spam under that desk.

I feel good this morning. I feel happy and chipper. I'm going to go memorize some spells now and not stab anybody today.

I cast 'Wreck Bathroom'.

This must be where they pray to their disgusting shit god.

"Even if the water wasn't magical, once you cast that spell on it to see if it was magical, that made it magical." -- "You suck."

Someone's gonna get stabbed man. It's gonna be fucking ugly.

I hate you so bad I can taste it in my balls.

I have a rope. I can make men tell the truth.

"If it has wings it's definately evil." -- "You mean like birds?" -- "Shut up."

I'm not mad. I'm just completely disgusted that you ate that much garlic powder in one sitting.

This guy here, he's gonna have to either talk or die.

Way to go, Batman. You fucking dick.

This combat just turned into another clusterfuck. You should at least get over here and watch."

I want a barbed penis.

I'm gonna wrestle this thing into a big pot, slam a lid on it, chain it shut, throw it up on the stove, and then start shoving swords in it.

You need to move your enormous clitoris out of the way before you attack from now on.

I whip out my 4th level dick and slap you in the mouth with it.

You got some vaginal cramping interfering with your spellcasting today?

Jesus! No more stabbing today!

When I was little, you know what I wanted to be when I grew up? I wanted to be the voice of the white guy on rap records.

My vagina's all seized up.